Self compassion and productivity

Self compassion and productivity can often feel like opposites. In a world where everything is instant, abundant and overwhelmingly recorded, productivity seems to be what we value most as a society while being kind to ourselves is often pushed to the wayside.

Self compassion has even been commercialised and often blends with the self care industry: 'treating yourself' to an activity or luxury item. But often, after we've bought those shoes, or finished our bath, we find that the voice in our head is still not compassionate. Perhaps you're now criticising yourself for wasting time? Wasting money? Or not being good enough at yoga?

Practicing true self compassion is far more than ticking boxes. It is accepting yourself and not berating yourself when you don't always manage to achieve your unreasonably high expectations.

In this piece I want to discuss how productivity can actually become a by-product of practicing self compassion rather than the end goal to strive for and how a lack of self compassion can prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Practicing true self-compassion is far more than ticking boxes

What self compassion isn't

Before we begin I want you to agree to something. I want you to agree that you won't read this thinking "I'm going to be so much more productive when I learn self compassion!" If this is your aim then... try to get it out of your head! In reading this focus on accepting yourself as you are - not as you think you could be.

So lets begin by identifying what self compassion isn't:

• Being frustrated with yourself for getting distracted.

• Comparing yourself to others.

• Holding yourself to impossibly high standards.

• Punishing yourself for not achieving what you wanted to.

The list could go on. Imagine this was how someone else was treating you - lets say a boss. Or perhaps not even treating you this way but a close friend. You'd probably feel that they were in a seriously toxic work environment.

So why do we think its acceptable to do this to ourselves? And how do we get out of these negative thought patterns?

Getting out of negative thought patterns

We've already established that reaching for your bath salts or yoga mat will not be enough to achieve true self compassion, so how can you begin to be a bit more gentle with yourself in daily life?

When we strip away all pretence and social expectations most people's wants and needs come down to the "simple" desire to be happy. This can often not feel all that simple yet it may be more so than our modern world makes it look.

If you ask any of those adorable older people that crop up on Instagram or TikTok every now and then what advice they have, they won't tell you to chase money or supermodels, they'll tell you to appreciate the small things: live in the moment and feel how lucky you are with your friends and family.

This is great advice: living in the moment and practicing gratitude really can lead you closer to true self compassion.

Here are some other ways you can get closer to achieving true self compassion in our modern world:

1. Give yourself a break! We all feel like we don't have the energy to do everything we planned and that can leave us feeling like failures. Rather than allow this to creep up, plan a day off, or even an hour or so whenever you can. Prioritise the importance of having down time. Practical advice: Include downtime in daily to-do lists and focus on what really makes you feel recharged.

2. Don't force yourself into doing something just because you think you 'should'. There are plenty of expectations out there - societal, parental, even in friendships. Follow what makes you happy, not what you think would make you 'successful' in other peoples eyes.

3. Write to-do lists, and be okay with not doing everything on them. It is really easy to go to sleep thinking about something you'd love to do the next day (reading? going for a walk?) and then suddenly weeks have gone by. Every day you've forgotten until it's too late and you go to bed feeling bad that you didn't to it AGAIN. The compassionate act here is to remind yourself what you might like to do and allow yourself to make the decision as to whether you have time for it. This puts the power back in your hands and prevents you feeling frustrated for forgetting. Practical advice: Write down goals (yearly, monthly, daily) and cross them out when you no longer want to complete them, or when you have.

4. Remind yourself what you have achieved, not what you haven't. Have some perspective. Look back on what you did last month or last year, and appreciate it all. See where you were previously and where you are now. Maybe it's not so different, but you've still got here! As Seneca said, Sometimes even to live is an act of courage. Just the fact you exist in this world is miraculous - everything else is extra. Practical advice: Keep a record of the goals you have completed (whether they're napping or writing or just being nicer to yourself!) and see how far you've come.

5. Treat yourself like you'd treat your best friend - or as you'd treat a child. Can you ever imagine telling a friend they aren't good enough? Or berating a child for not finishing something they started? If you do these things, that might be something you need to talk about... but for most people we would never treat a friend or child as we do ourselves! If a friend feels bad about their work, we see the best in it! If a child is struggling, we admire them for having a go! Talk to yourself in this way too.

6. Be okay with not finishing things and 'failing'. Failure sounds like such a finite term but it is actually an important part of life and should be seen as far more positive than most view it. The word 'fail' often fails to encompass the whole picture. A 'fail' could lead to a lifetime of happiness. Also, failure to achieve a goal is fine - our goals change, sometimes we take something on without really knowing what exactly it entails. Failure is often a societal construct too and there are rigid boundaries as to what is success. When we step away from these constructs and start to build our own all of those 'failures' begin to look a lot less negative.

7. Adjust your expectations! Be okay with not completing a goal you set out years ago, when you were a different version of yourself, and focus on what makes you happy now.

8. Know that you don't need to try to monetise all your hobbies! A lot of people have a side business these days and this almost defeats the point of a hobby; doing something for pleasure in your leisure time. Monetising makes the hobby outcome driven and takes away from the enjoyment in the moment making something you used to love a chore. Enjoy doing things for yourself and not for anyone else.

9. Understand that the goal is never the point of life - the journey is the destination! This might be cheesy but sometimes cheesy is true. Our lives are not a series of end goals worked to completion, but an ongoing journey with changes and unforeseen circumstances. Embrace all of these changes and allow yourself the ups and downs - you are no lesser because of the downs.

Practicalities of self compassion

Practically speaking, we can look at this 'list of ways to achieve self compassion' and feel like they are another list of goals that are hard to meet - these are just suggestions though and hopefully you have a more positive attitude towards yourself now than you did before reading this article!

My suggestions do include a lot of writing things down. Whether you're writing what you're grateful for or making a list of what you'd like to (maybe) do, writing completely frees up your brain to think about important things like cats and imaginary worlds.

Forgetting things can be one of the biggest causes of us berating ourselves, too. By keeping notes you really take back the power of choice.

Productivity as a by-product of self compassion

By prioritising caring for yourself over producing things will allow you to be who you really want to be and do what really makes you happy.

Producing things is a human trait and when we give ourselves time to find happiness many of us will find the desire to create. Only when we create from a place of self compassion, we create for ourselves and are motivated by happiness and enjoyment: far stronger motivators than avoiding the negative judgements of others. We are natural creators and we see this throughout history and in childhood - most children love to make things, its only as we grow that our judgements cloud the pure enjoyment of making something for the sake of it.

If you give yourself time (a lot of time) and follow your instincts in regards to what you enjoy. You'll start to find the things that you really want to make - and this might just be that you want to make more time for yourself. Creation comes in many forms.

Thank you so much for reading! Let me know at sbewilliams95@gmail.com if you have any topics you'd like me to look at next, or if you have any comments on today's post!

See you next time,

Sarah x